By Kay Packard
One of the most effective ways I’ve found to connect with a friend, family member or partner is to understand their preferred style of relating. Coming at the relationship solely from our perspective won’t provide positive results. Imagine the benefits of knowing how the other person likes to be treated and communicated to in the relationship. This isn’t about selling out and bending over backwards to accommodate another person, this is about truly seeing another as well as yourself from an emotional standpoint.
Emotions are tricky business. Water rules the emotions. Think of how difficult it is to control water. It forms to any container it’s in otherwise it runs-amuck. Engineering, materials and man-power are required to build a dam – all in attempt to manage its contents. Compare a bucket of sand to a bucket of water. Which is heavier? Water.
So for us to have thriving relationships that deal largely with emotions we must understand the force behind emotions. And for every person this is different. There is no cookie cutter formula to adapt and connect to another person. Listening is crucial.
When interpreted, the heart lines in the hands provide astounding and reliable information about the emotional requirements system of the owner of the hands. There are four basic types of heart lines. They can be called: The Passionate (very expressive and energetic), The Nurturer (caring, connecting, and giving), The Hermit (reserved and the Doer) and The Thinker (considerate and analyzing).
The first step is to recognize your type so that you better know yourself, your needs and what is important to you. If you’re fulfilling your needs systems, you’re much more likely to be present in any relationship. “Present” may take on a new meaning once you better know yourself.
The next step is to consider the emotional type of the other person. The Passionate will express her feelings in the moment without a lot of consideration how it will impact the other person. On the upside you can trust and depend that ‘what you see is what you get’. They express what they want, now, and expect you to, too. On the down side it’s important not take their sharp and fiery responses personally. The Thinker is opposite of The Passionate. The thinker is much more considerate and deliberate in their emotional expression. Before they speak they think through many scenarios of how the other person will respond to their comments. They may even readjust their emotional system for the other person to avoid a conflict. The Passionate is comfortable with conflict, excitability, and unpredictability; The Thinker is not.
The Nurturer keeps connections in tact through socializing and coordinating gatherings. She (or he) usually likes to touch, feel and show her love. She will find out what others like and don’t like, sometimes at the expense of herself, and accommodate their needs. The Hermit, on the other hand, shows his love by doing – independently. Mowing the yard, taking out the trash, fixing the cabinet hinges is how The Hermit shows his love. He (or she) also has a non-negotiable need for freedom. Often times he finds freedom through work therefore usually gets the label “you’re busy.” If The Nurturer doesn’t feel connections and The Hermit doesn’t have space an emotional explosion will ensue. In this case ‘tears’ appear on The Nurture and the ‘predetermined escape route’ is taken by The Hermit.
It’s truly amazing any of us get along at all. But there is hope. We simply need to understand and LIVE our emotional type and bring in a bit of the opposite type. This is the stuff that’s uncomfortable. When we weave in the opposite of ourselves we become more whole and able to adapt. Ideally this creates more peace within us. Operating from a place of peace will help us to listen more deeply to another. When it’s appropriate consider turning up the volume and listening to your own and others’ needs in relationship. It could lead to one of the most meaningful experiences you’ll ever have.
Kay, Guide for Positive Change, is an Advanced Hand Analyst and Associate Faculty of the International Institute of Hand Analysis (IIHA). She leads weekend Intensives to teach others how to decode fingerprints to reveal the life purpose and life lessons, and workshops to discover styles in relationship through the heart lines, mastering life schools and more. Email kay@handfactor, call 559-561-4490 or check upcoming events on her web site.