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Affirmations and Outside Factors

By Kay Packard

Welcome back for another look at affirmations. This is part three of a four-part series. Your life could be forever changed by taking this topic to heart.

An affirmation is any thought or word you give life to whether positive or negative. In part two (2) of four (4), three steps for improvement were illustrated; Identify core issues, Eliminate limiting thoughts and Reinforce with positive thoughts and words.

You’re now well on your path to accelerating the affirmative and seeing results. Uh oh, a speed bump! Outside factors can derail you if you’re not prepared. External factors come in three forms – maybe more: Partner, Parent, and Environmental. If we miss the road signs, the flags and the flag workers, we might drive right into the hole – again.

macktruckLet’s get prepared. You’re up; your partner is down. You’re affirming the positive; he’s pessimistic. No problem. There is no need for defense, just discrimination. Notice the cynicism coming head-on like a Mack truck. Don’t let it ruin your day. There is no need to change another’s mind set -or the course of the Mack truck – for you to continue on your optimistic highway. You simply need to modify your route. Mac splat is not a pretty site. You always have options.

Suggestions shared during my workshops to connect with the nay-sayer are, “Stop, don’t speak things into being, “ “Keep that to yourself,” “How would you like this to look,” “What is another way of seeing this?” “What is the gift in this?” and “I will lead by example.”

Interacting with others is a fabulous learning opportunity. Adapting and connecting can be mastered with awareness and multiple attempts to see from another’s perspective without loosing our positive approach.

Parents also present an occasion for positive and negative association. You may recall a few of the words and phrases expressed by your mother or father; positive or negative. Look to see which memories serve you. Recall those which take you to your higher ground. Assess your perception of any degrading and belittling statements to see if they are true and where they came from. Many of our parents and guardians were in extreme survival mode. Did they want the very best for us? Most likely they did. However, their style and motivations may have been much different than ours. Take a moment to assess your identity and attachment to your parent’s ideals, beliefs and perceptions. We are not our parents.

Remember, our consistent thoughts, whatever they are, become our reality. We absolutely get what we focus on. Think, say and be the person you want to be. My friend, Cathy says, “Watch for stinkin’ thinkin’.”

DrPepperLet’s look at the environmental factor. Advertisers spend billions of dollars a year to attract you to their products and services. You are attracted through repetition and emotional stimulation. I remember, being a grocery checker at age 17, singing and dancing to the Dr. Pepper delivery man, “I’m a pepper, he’s a pepper, and wouldn’t you like to be a pepper too?” I was hooked on that song and the drink. Wouldn’t you like to have a ‘break today’…at McDonalds? And what about those curious frogs where one said “Bud” and the other one said “Lite”. Catch phrases and musical tunes keep you engaged, interested and ideally spending money.

To get enthused before going out on the town for the evening, one workshop participant tunes in on the song “I’m too Sexy.” Some of the lines are “I’m too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love. I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for your shirt. I’m too sexy for your party, for your party. I’m too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car.” A smile coming to the face reflects an energized body.

Again there is positive and negative stimulation in the outside environment. Latching on to and clenching your positive affirmations is required if you are to live to your fullest life. Unless you grip tightly to your affirmation, “I am living a magnificent, healthy and abundant life,” you might buy into the dramatic advertisements for restless leg syndrome, depression, impotence, insomnia and more.

Give yourself permission to decide which affirmations you’ll own. Watch for outside factors dictating YOUR affirmations otherwise you just might drive head-on into that Mack truck.

Watch for part four of four where you’ll be guided to get more serious about documenting your affirmations.

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Kay Packard is a Guide for Inner Awareness, Personal Freedom and Positive Change. Visit www.kaypackard.com to learn more about her coaching services and techniques.

Tobacco Free Experience

Freedom from Tobacco – Who’s Choice is it?
 
Recently, I facilitated a Smoke Free with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) workshop.  Offering guidance to five women to let go of one of the most powerful and addictive drugs on the planet was risky business?  At any moment the Paraná’s could have escaped their den and devoured me whole. Fortunately, as a Yellow Labrador I didn’t know of their invisible daggered jaws equipped to clamp down tight. It was all fun and they were daring and willing to be here. The power of addiction to nicotine is mind-boggling when not completely understood.  There is great motivation supporting all addictions.  Awareness of the causes is the first step for change.

Many people have come to me saying they really want to stop.  Some say nicotine causes a powerful addiction and there is a perception that it is very difficult to stop. With the right tools and mind-set it can be easy.  Some of those tools are Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Hypnosis, Re-Sourcing, one on one coaching and your own Higher Mind.

My mom smoked for about 30 years.  Growing up, my family smoked in the house all the time.  Many of my mom’s friends smoked.  Gift marks were left on the coffee and end tables from cigarettes gone wild. My mom joyfully explained that the burn marks on the furniture reminded her of the great times they had socializing.  I have wonderful memories of the smell of smoke and hearing the laughter.  I’ve never smoked, besides once when I was in 6th grade as a curious kid behind the Catholic Church with my friend Tracy.  I have fabulous memories of gatherings in smoke filled rooms as a youngster.

Well, one day my mom felt a growth on her tongue.  My sister took her in for a biopsy.  Sure enough – CANCER.  She went to Stanford and had it removed.  We were fortunate it ended there and never spread.  There are many who are less fortunate.  This is not to scare anyone into a decision to stop tobacco. Scare tactics don’t work; although fears are usually high on the list of reasons to quit.  

My heartfelt passion to help others in their choice of direction is why I do this work. Facilitating self-ownership of individual power fuels the rocket of my desire.

I asked my workshop participants to rate, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the most, their wanting to quite smoking.  I heard a range from 5 to 10.  Honesty and non-self-judgment is crucial and courageous. 

Curious and pioneering souls make it to the 11,000 ft summit of Alta Peak in Sequoia National Park.  Wonder leads to inquiry.  Inquiry leads to questions. Questions lead to answers.  Answers from the Inner self lead to strength, courage, and invincibility. 

Loads of remarkable reasons to stop or reduce smoking were articulated by all.  Also, scores of reasons to continue smoking were exposed.  One of the most impressive truths was the idea that ‘smoking keeps me in isolation from other people’. Also, “What if I fail at quitting?” I asked, “What are your concerns about never stopping?”  These concerns were crushing. The thought of never stopping left them paralyzed. The energy in the room sank like a lead balloon at the thought of smoking for the rest of their lives.  The “C” word reared its ugly head.  We all know people who die of cancer and other horrible diseases from smoking.  That is NOT enough to help people quit. And we know too that not all people who smoke get cancer or die of cancer. 

The nicotine habit is mentally and physically dominating. It’s true.  It appears to have control, power, authority and influence over its users.  Let’s be clear though; the user gives the control to tobacco.  This CAN BE changed through applied mind-management.  

Each woman brought their fertile soil, with planted seed to the workshop.  All nurtured and fertilized their own beautiful gardens of well being and wholeness. The curious souls left the workshop deciding to claim their power over this product.  Gardens grow with persistence, dedication and heart.

People don’t smoke because they want to die.  Some people smoke because it literally feels good. It’s relaxing. My mom chose to quit after her surgery.  She said it was like loosing her best friend.  That has to be one of the most difficult tragedies to suffer. 

Some people smoke because they feel left out and want to feel included. Contributing reasons for smoking include feelings of abandonment, anxiety, stress, guilt, shame, overwhelm, and fear.  Everyone is coping the best they can.  True friends and partners can help by supporting, loving and believing in their puffing partner.  Offering a non-judgmental and loving shoulder is one of the surest ways to expedite the quitting or reduction plan. A critical and judgmental attitude toward the ‘pleased to be puffing’ will keep them backed into a corner.  What do people do when they’re in a corner?  They rebel (cope) with more smoking.

I couldn’t let this go with out sighting the corporate profiteers who capitalize on the negative emotions and addiction.  Some may see it as a sick business others may see it as a god-send.  Either way, they wouldn’t be in business without users.  Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  Cigarettes don’t kill people, our choices do.

 Camel

I took this photo at the Dover, Delaware Speedway in September, 2009.  CAMEL is a NASCAR sponsor and attractor.  The lower section of the logo says, “Surgeon General Warning: Cigarette smoke contains carbon monoxide.”  I don’t know much about carbon monoxide but I see advertisements to buy detectors so that you know if you have too much in your home.  I guess it can be deadly.

 ToungeCancerenlarged

This says, “Warning, this product may cause mouth cancer” and it’s pasted on the CAMEL truck to the lower right of the photo above.  My mom experienced the reason for this announcement before the label was required on cartons, boxes and cigarette sponsoring trucks.

Does that deter anyone?  I haven’t done a study, but I actually think the labeling is contributing to the rebellious nature surrounding the invitation to continue smoking.

The key is for us all to have the power of choice and decision.  The first step is awareness of current action – and I suggest this be done gently and kindly to the self.  Beating yourself up doesn’t help; it usually makes things worse.

One of the workshop participants enrolled in Five (5) private coaching sessions with me.  Recently, we completed session #3 and she is experiencing success.  The amount of cigarettes smoked has reduced by 75%.  She addressed core reasons causing anxiety and untangled herself from those issues with EFT and hypnosis.  Her decision to ‘choose’ those few cigarettes a day instead of ‘needing’ them keeps her on her power path.  Affirming “I became smoke free easily”, in the past tense, is also providing strength for her success.  She is doing the work, valuing her decision for change and keeping her eye on the goal. 

Babies don’t climb Mt Everest.  When someone has made the choice for change, infinite avenues of support, encouragement and tools show up.  Success is hers who takes aim and claims her power. Let’s start today! 

Visit Coaching for more information, call 559-561-4490 or email me at kay@handfactor.com.  If you’re ready for change, I’m here to help.

Success on the Scales

scaleWhether your goal is to maintain your weight or reduce a few pounds through the holiday season, here’s a fabulous tip. As often as you think of it, say to yourself, “My perfect and ideal weight is _____ and that’s what I weigh.” If you want to trim off a few pounds, fill in the blank with a target weight of no more than 5 pounds less than where you are now. Perhaps write it out on a piece of paper so you see it often. You’re assuring a greater probability of success by taking baby steps. Then begin to notice how your activities increase and your cravings for unnecessary foods lessen or fall away completely. Then when you reach the weight you initially pinpointed and you want to let go of another 5 say the phrase (above) with your new target. Don’t believe me, though; do it yourself and feel magnificent!

In the Light – Interview

spotlightWhen I saw Annie Hayes last week I thought to myself, “Wow, she has really slimmed down.” She’s been telling me and others about it since the beginning of the year, but I just didn’t notice until last week.  She has attended a few of my workshops including the ‘weight loss and wellness series’. I’m grateful she accepted my invitation to share her success story. I hope to capture the essence of how she released the weight. I interviewed Annie on Oct. 12, 2009. 

K: What was going on in your life when you decided to come to the weight loss and wellness workshop series in May 2008?
A: I needed something extra. I needed guidance. I needed to look at things in whole new ways.  I was upset with myself, with what I looked like, and how I was reacting to situations.

K:  How was it being in the group with others?
A: The women gave good ideas and suggestions.  We had a core group with ongoing trust.  I know I can trust those gals.  Trusting others and trusting myself was an issue why I was hiding behind the fat.  You have helped me look at those issues in a new way.  I didn’t look at it like I need to lose 10lbs right now.  I was seeing 1 or 2 pounds gone a week. I thought, Oh good, I don’t have that pound to hold on to any more.  You helped me look at and manage the stress in my life. I can handle the stress better. With less stress I don’t reach for those foods.  Like a duck, I let the water flow off my back.  I still worry but not as much.

K: Where were you and where are you now?
A: Between May ‘08 and Oct. ’09 I’ve taken off 30 lbs. That’s 30 lbs that’s no longer that’s on my body. 

K: How did you do it?
A: Tapping [Emotional Freedom Techniques] and making up affirmations.  There was one I was just reading, that we did in the workshop, that I keep in my purse, “I own my own power.”  I really like that one.

K: What does “own my own power” mean to you?
A:  I don’t get talked out of doing things I know is right.  If I think its right I won’t be talked out of it.  I’m being true to myself.  I’m not giving away my power like I used to. I’m more cognizant and aware of what I put into my mouth.  That is powerful.  I’m better controlling my food and drink.  I don’t want others to tell me what to do.  That causes me to bristle.  I realize that I gave my power away to others who were telling me what to do or who were criticizing me.  Being aware is helping me. I look at things that are said and ask, “is this true?”  That helps me see more clearly.

K: What was the most important thing you learned about yourself during this time?
A: That I am quite capable of doing anything I want to do.  I’m more than capable of doing what I want.  There was a period in my 30s when I felt so hopeless and helpless.  I couldn’t get a job or find a job.  I looked at the cup as being half empty instead of half full.  Those experiences have helped me now in my business.  And I think I’m helping the young people around me.  I explain to them what happened to me and how I’ve moved through it.
K:  Yes, based on your fingerprints, your life lesson is to learn to value yourself.  When you realize your inner worth and importance, you’re feelings of ‘worthlessness’ compel you into being the mentor, teacher, guide and advisor. 

K: What were your favorite tools for helping you achieve your goal?
A: Tapping and using affirmations. 

K: How are you maintaining your new level of success?
A: I can slip.  I notice when I start to creep back up and I say, “Ah, I need to start doing something now.”  I don’t want to get heavy again.  I haven’t been using the tapping as much, but I’ve been drinking more water which is good.  I’m more conscious.  I did other helpful things after you.  Facing the scale once a week is helpful.  I keep it [the goal] in the forefront of my mind.  I plan to start weight watchers again in Nov. to keep the objective in the front of my mind.

Don’t get me wrong, I still fail a lot.  But I don’t give up like I did in the past.  Awareness is keeping me on track.  I know how to tap now.  I need to keep doing it.

That’s another reason I lost weight – I gave myself permission to loose weight. You helped me do that. There is no reason to hide behind it any more.  Hiding behind the weight gave me an excuse for my failures.  I used to say, “Oh I failed because I am fat.”  That was a good reason but now I don’t have to.  I’m not using that excuse any more.  I feel like my life has really expanded. 

K: What else helped you?
A: Between Nov. 08 and May 09 I did Weight Watchers.  Then I took a Family Health nutrition class once a week from Aug. 09 – Oct. 09. Again, having to face the scale each week was important.  I lost 8 lbs in 8 weeks.  That felt good.

K: What advice would you give others with a similar goal as yours?
A: To not be give up so easy.  Look at alternative methods. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else.  If that doesn’t work try something else.  Keep an open mind to allow some of this stuff to come in.  I have to tell you this tapping was weird to me when I first started.  Is she out of her mind?  That’s not going to work.  What’s wrong with you.  I was the first one…I don’t think so.  Yes, go try it, no, this is dumb, yes go try it.  This is really dumb.  Now I know it works.

 AnnieNov409Annie Hayes is the owner and operator of her landscaping and gardeningKayandAnnieNov409 business in Three Rivers, CA. She is the current leader of the of the Women’s Club membership committee of which she has been a member since 1994.

3 Steps for Improvement

Affirmations – 3 Steps for Improvement (Part 2 of 4)

By Kay Packard 

Life can only get better when we look at what we affirm everyday. In part one of this four part series the following key points were made:

1) You constantly and consistently give tremendous power to what you’re thinking and speaking whether positive or negative

2)  It’s unwise to underestimate the power of your imagination

3)  Self sabotage adds an interesting twist

4) You give life to what you accept as true

For a moment, let’s look at the grand saboteur. The saboteur is the part of us that deliberately destroys our dreams by undermining our thought system.  Self sabotage is the number one impediment to success.

To realize your hopes, desires and aspirations consider these 3 steps:

redcarpetStep 1.  IDENTIFY the core issue holding you back.  One effective way to do this is by asking yourself, “What is the root cause that is preventing me from reaching my goal?”  If an immediate answer does not come to you – guess.  Another approach is to ask, “I feel this way because…”  When you get an answer ask yourself again, “and I feel this way because…..”  At some point ask yourself, “I hold on to this idea because?”  Perhaps you were criticized, shamed or embarrassed in the past.  Perhaps at some point you felt belittled when you shared a dream or even achieved a goal.  When praise and reward is expected and the contrary is received emotional trauma can develop.

Uncovering the thought-cause is crucial to relieve the negative affects stock-piled in memory.

Step 2. ELIMINATE or dissolve that limiting thought or belief. When the core issue is uncovered simply ask, “Is this still true?”  Often times we realize the belief is no longer true… like Santa Claus.  By looking at the limiting thought or out-dated belief from three or five different angles it may likely be discarded.  What would happen if you could accept everything just as it is right now?

Step 3  REINFORCE your new way of thinking – Let’s get started. Take out a note card and a pen.  In a quiet place, think up and write down three (or more) of your own personalized affirmations that stimulates the heart of your being.   Use the present tense, as though you are experiencing it now, for example, “I am worthy” or “I live in absolute abundance.”  Keep the note card with you or post it on your mirror so that you constantly reinforce your new and improved thinking.

Existing affirmations show up in conversations and usually serve to keep us where we are.  Listen and observe the words you use. 

IMG_1262At a llama ranch, where I regularly walk, there is a yellow caution sign that says “Spit Happens.”  You know, if you get too close to those hairy creatures, they just may leave an uninvited slime on you.  We have a way of spewing too. When you catch yourself saying something to others or yourself that doesn’t lift you up and you want to retract it, you have a number of options. 

The following suggestions came from my workshop participants to recall misdirected words and thoughts:

Erase, erase
Picture a large eraser doing its job
Erase (the negative) and replace (with a positive)
Cancel, cancel
Wipe it off (as in black board)
Use the Delete key
Press the Control-alt-delete and ‘end task’
Visualize scissors cutting out the words
Scratch that
Flush it
Use the Mr Clean Magic eraser
Oops, that didn’t come out right
Stop the CD player (or tape player) and throw away the ‘recording’
Don’t take it too seriously
Forgive yourself

You don’t have to be a POW, prisoner of words.  Take charge now.  Identify, eliminate and reinforce for optimal living. 

Watch for part 3 of this 4 part series.  Included in the next part is a focus on the partner, parent and environmental factors.

Kay Packard is a Guide for Positive Change.  Visit www.kaypackard.com to learn more about her coaching services and techniques.

About Affirmations

Part 1 of 4

In every conversation, both internally and externally, you are affirming the substance of the dialogue.  Are you paying attention before, during and after your “talks”?  

What is an affirmation? Synonyms include: Statement, Assertion, Confirmation, Pronouncement, Declaration, Verification, Reinforcement, and Expressing dedication to. 

In essence, you’re firming up what you’re thinking. 

Let’s look behind the words to the thoughts, beliefs, intentions and perceptions. When you hold on to a particular perception, you express dedication to that view whether positive or negative. Affirmations are often considered as a positive thing, but as you can see from the list of synonyms, its about what you’re “giving power to”.  

Calling“Consider this: Affirmations are among the most powerful tools we can use for personal transformation.  They are highly reliable, easy to use and are based on impeccable logic.” –Gary Craig (www.emofree.com). 

Affirmations condition new thoughts and therefore reality.  Most of us affirmed we’d get through the 8th grade.  Friends, parents, society, and ourselves, all pronounced we’d graduate from 8th grade.  There really was no other option.  Some continue on and reinforce plans for high school, college and in some cases graduate school.  The beliefs and declarations are personal to each individual. 

Let me say:  You deserve, and have the power to create and own your best and most magnificent life!  Repeat with me:  I deserve and have the power to create and own my very best and most magnificent life.  It’s one thing to say it, another to believe it. Think for a moment how powerful you are.  Look at what you have accomplished in your life, so far, and what stimulated those accomplishments.  Continue reading

Create what you want

By Kay Packard

Are you stepping forward on your life path?  Are your ideas, designs, and conceptions moving into finished formations, products, actions, and accomplishments?  Are you where you want to be in life?  “I’m happy with my life” said a fellow-shopper at the Village Market.  “Hooray” I said.  What does it take to craft the existence you want; producing the special effects in your life-film?  What’s driving the script of your daily, weekly, monthly, annual scenes?  Let’s start with a simple question: Is your mind focused on the positive or negative; the high or low points? 

The environment you’re living, breathing and moving in is based on the play ground or battlefield in your mind.  So which thoughts are you entertaining?  It’s worthwhile to reassess how consciousness plays a role in your creativity, especially since there are so many calls for your attention. These demands can come from a negative sources like fear, self doubt, guilt, and TV).  

Napoleon Hill, in his book “Think and Grow Rich” describes Thirty-one major causes of failure based on the analysis he performed with several thousand people.  A vital step is to discover the causes of failure standing between you and success.  

Can you identify with any of these:  Lack of self discipline, procrastination, over-caution, prejudice, intolerance, or lack of a well defined purpose?  

One he didn’t mention, which I believe is significant, is having a dreadful attitude.  What do you do with those causes of failure once you identify them?  Transform them into knowledge.  Use them for your benefit by playing with them, observing, and overcoming them.  The lesson offered is a most precious treasure. 

The starting point for every victory is desire.  What is the deepest longing of your heart?  Wait.  Hold it.  Something came to your mind.  Get a pad of paper, a pen, and take a few minutes to answer some questions. Joseph Faust (http://www.josephfaust.com/) founder of the Life Coaching Works used the following questions with me.. I answered them back in 2002 and am enthusiastically living the answers now.  The intent is to get clear about your truest and deepest desires.   

1.  What do you really, really want, more than anything?

2.  How will you know when you have it? 

3.  Where, when, and with whom do you want it? 

4.  How will your desired result affect other aspects of your life?

5.  What stopped you from having your desired result already? 

6.  What resources do you have that will contribute to you getting to your desired result? 

7.  What additional resources would you like that would help you create or get your result? 

8.  How are you going to get there?  Identify 3-5 steps you’re going to take to get there.  

Now, imagine yourself experiencing what you want, fully and completely.  Are you able to imagine yourself living from that place now?   Entertain yourself with an experiment.  Live now, as though you have what you want.  

The title of a book by Wayne Dyer has kept me pondering:  “You’ll See It When You Believe It”.  What do you think?  

Yes, it takes effort and mind training to modify our thought patterns.  You have a choice in thought, just like you do when you come to a junction while hiking on a trail.  “Do I go left, right, cross country, back where I came from, or stop for lunch”?   Where is your destination? Where do you want to get?  My all-time-favorite fortune cookie script foretells:  “If you can shape it in your mind, you’ll find it in your life”.